Vulnerability

Vulnerability

We are quick to judge others

Pass verdict, good or bad

Hardly ever look within

How we make ourselves sad

"Why so serious?"

Asked the Joker

Are we always sad

Or always playing poker

Behind our emotional wall

We may feel protected and safe

But the harsh reality is

We become our own slave

This wall built around us

Gets bigger with time

We close doors and windows

Become lonely when beyond our prime

It is not enough to smile more

Although that helps, definitely

It is about being vulnerable

Leaning on a friend, occasionally

Being vulnerable is lowering our guard

To let others in

If others only ever stay out

Doesn't matter whether they are foe or kin

We are neither islands

Nor self-sufficient in any way

Life is not black or white

It is only ever a shade of grey

Let's get out of the head

And reach the heart

Face emotions, be vulnerable

Find a friend, be smart

Feeling vulnerable is not enjoyable

We think it is being weak

But there is strength and courage

In the help we seek

The help we get

In turn allows us to help others

Vulnerability is a two-way street

Ensures all of us grow together

A Prayer For The New Year

A Prayer For The New Year

 

May we pray

May we have faith

Instead of feeling hopeless more

 

May we wait

May we hold-on

Instead of pushing others anymore

May we question

May we listen

Instead of believing bull-shit more

 

May we seek

May we find

Instead of being lost anymore

 

May we give

May we share

Instead of only-consuming more

 

May we stand-up

May we stand together

Instead of being divided anymore

May we smile

May we be happy

Instead of shedding tears more

 

May we help

May we hold hands

Instead of being selfish anymore

May we open our eyes

May we see the light

Instead of choosing the dark more

 

May we learn to be human

May we learn from the animals

Instead of being foolish anymore

 

May we fulfil

May we be fulfilled

Instead of living empty more

May we become better

May we be 'more-than'

Instead of being 'less-than' anymore

2020 & Me

 

2020 & Me

Incomprehensible present

Unknown future

Infeasible wants

Unfulfilled dreams

Inevitable reality

Unavoidable challenges

Injudicious actions

Unsatisfactory results

Ineffective efforts

Uncontrollable outcomes

Inexplicable journey

Unfamiliar territory 

Inconsistent days

Unwanted circumstances 

Incorrect assumptions 

Unnecessary rush

Insignificant voice

Unsure thoughts

Insecure heart

Unenthusiastic mind

Inhumane us

Unprepared me

Managing the Unprecedented

This phase is far from normal

And far from being comfortable too

Kept my head down

Kept a safe distance through and through

Still been sniffling and sneezing all day

Hope I have just the common flu

There isn’t simply a way out

No matter how hard we try to 

Be in the ‘here and now’

That’s a strong clue

For managing what seems unmanageable 

And makes everything appear blue

The challenges we face

Are unprecedented and new

I haven’t been fair or even good sometimes

Overlooked and left much overdue 

But I am here, as part of your team

Always in your crew

You are the one for me

This I knew

Now you hold my life together

Like a strong glue

You are all that I need

Well, also a hot brew

Dear 2020

 

Dear 2020,

We, humans, have been mean to you,

but it is not your fault.

What’s happening around is our own doing,

you just opened Pandora’s vault.

For all the troubles we face,

you are neither the reason nor the cause.

You have only put us on the spot,

magnifying, both, our strengths and our flaws.

We may speak ill of you today,

but truly we are in your debt.

Your memory is etched forever,

no one is likely to forget.

Hope the lessons you intend to teach us,

last long enough.

Designed to bring us emotionally closer,

and make us mentally tough.

Things happen when they are supposed to,

you are only playing your part.

This is a rare opportunity you present,

for us to reboot and restart.

Thank you for this challenge,

one I believe we can overcome.

Will get on to 2021,

stronger we would become.

To My Friend

To My Friend 

I have to tell you something

You are important for me

To share the interesting

And the mundane

I have to tell you something

You are that friend

Who gets to see me

When I am mad and when sane

I have to tell you something

You are free to live your life

I will be around if needed

Patiently waiting in my lane

I have to tell you something

You may not always want me around 

And that’s fine too

I lose some and some I gain

I have to tell you something

You make me laugh heartily 

But you can also hurt

Nothing good comes without a li’l pain

I have to tell you something

You are one of a kind

There can be no comparisons 

To me it is that simple and plain

A Prayer

A Prayer

May we learn to love, and live as one

May we include everyone and be together

May all our prayers be beyond "I"

May we never lose our faith

May hope never leave us

May we find peace within to enjoy the open skies

May there be resistance towards what is wrong

May all of us know the eternal truth

May we stop with our own lies

May we learn to feel and think

May this phase of gloom tell us what truly matters

May we see without judgemental fog covering our mental eyes

May our actions speak louder than our words

May we inspire and be source of pride

May we learn to give back before the well dries

May we become accepting, and control desire

May we have given more than taken when our time comes

May we try to give some more, if there is a tie

Mother's Day 2020

Poem For You, Ma

Mom...Mum...Mummy...Ma

I could call you by any name

You are always there for me

You have spoilt me, no doubt

But you have made me, me

How could I be this lucky

Love abundant, a patient ear

With you small talk turns to deep discussions

We just need a cup of tea

There is never a weak moment

You are my pillar of strength

For every lock I present, you present a key

You see good in everyone

You do more than you ask or take

Doing everything selflessly

Happy Mother's Day, Ma

You are the glue that holds us all

You are this family's banyan tree

Mudit's Wager: Remain Positive

How is being positive better than not being positive? 

What benefits does being positive bring when the future remains uncertain and uncontrollable?

With such and similar questions been thrown at me, because I not only remain positive but also profess my faith in positivity, I was unable to find a way to explain the benefits of being positive - other than anything that definitely sounded like a cliché.

When I came across Pascal's Wager (briefly explained at the end of this article), I realised I needed to make something similar of my own, and show it to non-believers of positivity that it pays-off to remain positive.

I present Mudit's wager: Remain Positive. This I represent as:

Our worry is related to future, it is hardly ever about the present and almost never about the past. We fear whether our future will be desirable or not. It is for the future that I ask you to wager for remaining positive. Let's understand this:

Either I will remain positive or I will not. This is plotted on the x-axis (horizontally). Either my future will turn out desirable or it will not. This has been plotted on the y-axis (vertically).

Quadrant D denotes the scenario where I decided that I will not remain positive, and my future will not turn out desirable. I call this "Doom and Gloom".

If we were not positive and the future doesn't turn out desirable, our worst fears have come true. This scenario adds doom to gloom. There is nothing good that could come out of this...we cannot turn around this scenario remaining not-positive. Helplessly, we start buying lottery tickets and hope luck supports us for once at-least!

Quadrant A denotes the scenario where I decided that I will not remain positive, but my future will turn out desirable. I call this "Winning a Lottery".

When we are not positive in our thoughts and actions, yet the future turning out desirable is like winning a lottery. The ticket we had bought in Quadrant D comes handy here. But...not only is this very difficult to repeat by our own efforts, but also the winnings are not sustainable. Thus - if we win this lottery of getting a desirable future while remaining not positive, it is likely that we will neither continue to enjoy desirable future being not positive, nor manage to change our life for the better in the long-term. Just as quickly as this desirable future appears, we will start worrying about the next uncertain future-date / future-year / future-period. Leaving very little for us to enjoy the lottery-winnings.

Quadrant C denotes the scenario where I decided that I will remain positive, but my future will not turn out desirable. I call this "Will Strive Harder".

If despite remaining positive, our future turns out not desirable it is still painful and difficult...no doubt. However, we have our positivity to lean back on to tell ourself that we will strive harder to turn things around. We start looking for previously unexplored or even unorthodox solutions, but we will not give up...we will not submit to the gloom that has temporarily engulfed us.

Quadrant B denotes the scenario where I decided that I will remain positive, and my future turns out desirable. I call this "Win-win, Pay Day".

When we are positive and our future turns out desirable, we find the sweet-spot where we can finally pat ourselves on the back - be proud, be happy and be satisfied. We take a moment for ourselves, enjoy our hard earned pay-day and get back to work for the next uncertain future-date / future-year / future-period.

The discussion is not about how to remain positive, but the benefits of remaining positive. Since future largely continues to be outside our direct control (we can influence the future outcomes, but we definitely don't control them), the only thing we can control is how our outlook and attitude remain: positive or not-positive.

By not remaining positive either we hope to win lottery or worse face doom and gloom. However, by remaining positive we either continue to have the will to strive hard, find our way out of the gloom or we find a win-win situation and enjoy our well earned pay-day. At the very least, we can try to move from Quadrant A to Quadrant B and from Quadrant D to Quadrant C.

I, therefore, urge you to wager for remaining positive in the game of future life!

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Pascal's Wager

Pascal (1623-1662), wore many hats ranging from being a mathematician & physicist to a writer & Catholic theologian. He believed there was no reasonable manner to prove existence of God, but we should still believe in Him.

Broadly, he suggested that if we don't believe in God, but we eventually find out that God exists - we go to Hell (some version of it). If we don't believe in God and it turns out that there is no God, well - no misery befalls us.

On the other hand, if we believe in God and God exists then we go to Heaven (some version of it). If we believe in God and God doesn't exist, once again there is no loss for us.

Essentially, as per Pascal, believing in God could either lead to some version of Heaven or bring no loss. Whereas, not believing in God could either bring no loss or worse, lead to some version of Hell. Basis this, Pascal is said to have suggested it is better to wager for God to exist and to believe in Him. This was his way of saying, better to play it safe than be sorry later.

Happiness Quotient: An Emotional Equation

How do you know you are feeling happiness in any given moment? Do you understand the emotional process that goes on internally, leading to happiness or sadness?

Actually, some would argue that more important question is: do you understand what is happiness?

Walt Disney famously said: “Happiness is a state of mind. It's just according to the way you look at things.” Another definition of happiness, available online says: happiness is the state of being happy.

When I look at these two thoughts together, I realise happiness is a “state”, i.e. it is transient and likely to change due to external pressures exerted on us. Much like liquid is a state for water, which can change from liquid state to solid or gas provided liquid water is subjected to different external pressures.

Following water’s example, using it as a metaphor for our happiness, there is another question that we face: does our happiness totally depend on external sources? Or, is our happiness not under our control at all? It is my attempt to answer some of these questions, basis my own observations and experiences.

It has been my experience that our happiness is not entirely out of our control. We can even measure it, and I call this emotional measure Happiness Quotient (H.Q.). I propose the following emotional equation for H.Q.:

Happiness Quotient* (H.Q.) = What** we have received – what** we expected to receive

*H.Q. is not to be thought of or used as a numerical measure, although it could have numerical components involved. This is purely an emotional measure.

** What or how much.

'What you have received minus what your expectations were', is really the simplest form of understanding how we are feeling in any given situation, whether a moment or a day or our entire lifetime. I am neither referring to finding fulfilment in life (work + home) nor suggesting this is a route for becoming happy. Instead, this is an equation that helps us understand our state of being happy (happiness) in any given moment – whether we are judging something that happened just a moment before, or way back in past … or even if it is on-going.

There are two components that contribute to our happiness: what we have received and what our expectations were to receive.

The former component of the equation: "what we have received", is not in your control...no matter how hard we work, how smart we are, how lucky we were up to that point in time...nothing we can do that can bring this component of the equation entirely under our control. Yes, we can influence by being prepared, by being present, by doing good...but we still cannot control what the outcome would be (i.e. what we receive).

However, the latter component of the equation: "what we expected to receive", is directly under our control. Managing our expectations is definitely that part of the equation of our happiness, which is under our direct control.

To understand this better, let’s look at two different scenarios of the same hypothetical example - taking GMAT:

Scenario 1: You prepare for the test but aren’t able to prepare as well as you would have liked. All your mock test scores have been less than 600. You are not confident going in to take the test, don’t expect to score 600…but, you end up with 650.

Scenario 2: The same GMAT case. This time let’s say you were well prepared and had been scoring upwards of 700 in all mock tests. You go in for the test confident…but, you come back with a 650 score.

In both scenarios – the part of the H.Q. equation, what you have received, is same – GMAT score = 650. However, your happiness levels are likely to vary vastly between the two scenarios. What happens to your H.Q. if the result is that of Scenario 1 – does it not shoot high? You would be super-proud for doing better than expected. But if the result is that of Scenario 2, it would bring you down – you could feel a combination of following emotions sadness, anger, worry, fear and the likes.

Now we see that the real challenge is not managing what we receive (outcome), but really what we expected to receive. The former is not entirely in our control; however, the latter is totally in our control.

The next obvious question is: Does it mean we lower our expectations or, if possible, become expectation-less?

Theoretically, yes, we can live without expecting things from others and from ourselves...which may make our lives simpler (theoretically!). Practically, no! Expecting (and anticipating) the bad has been important for early Human survival, thus today we are wired in a manner to expect (both, good and bad).

In this article, I have attempted to put forth an idea that there are two components that work together towards our happiness - one of these two is not in our control and the other is in our control. By managing our expectations, recalibrating our expectations and learning to deal with our expectations not being met are some steps we can take to maintain a positive H.Q.