Wednesday 16 April 2008
This post is in reference with one of my earlier posts, 1999-2000 - The Best Phase of My Life.
I have mentioned in that post that I learnt how to deal with hard-ships, developed sense of self-belief, learnt and grew by reading books and listening to music. Well...all this did happen...I did learn all that, I did develop my personality for the better...but I didn't write about the side-effects of all this (for me and should not be taken in general), which now I feel that I should.
I have believed in being honest and content with what I get. I have always managed to convince myself that whatever happens; happens for good. And I have, thus, managed to lead a relatively less anxious life and have rather pitied my friends and colleagues who participated in the so-called 'rat-race' to climb higher.
I have had an eye-opener, rather a series of them in recent past that have completely shaken me up. These events have not only challenged the way I work, but the way I think and the way I live my life. From being a highly 'satisfied' person to now not knowing what is actually the right way forward!
As of now, I can't even explain what is going through my head. I am torn between the philosophy that I have lived with so far and the new challenge / opportunity that I have been made to see. The idea of living in a safe environment (probably a shell) and calling it God's will is quite safe. What-ever goes wrong is then treated as God's doing and managed through with the belief that there must be something good hidden in pain. But now, I am being asked to move my butt out, I am being pulled into the world that is actually out there and compete with the best and the rest. More than anything I am being asked to think what future I want than just sit and accept the future that comes.
I think I have been shown a 'mirror' - something I hadn't done in a long time. There is something good that will come out from this mental churning - I am sure. The question is, how soon and how much am I ready to change!
Posted by Mudit Aggarwal at 17:55