Sunday, 7 September 2014

Relationships are not easy - work on them - Communicate!

It is no suspense that relationships aren't easy! No relationship is perfect, because no individual is perfect. The difficulty is in trying to understand 'why' and 'how to work together in order to improve things / situations'.

Another simple fact is - men & women are different...almost in every bit possible. From the base thought of a relationship to daily life's activities, from dreams & expectations to frustrations & anger, from managing & working towards the common goal to managing the 'walking away'. Some of these differences are the starting point of a relationship and bring spice in life...while some of these become reasons for ending of a relationship, after some amount of hurt & pain.

It is quite understandable - proximity breeds familiarity and familiarity breeds contempt. In the words of Mr. Billy Joel: "the closer you get to the fire, the more you get burned". 

However, one must remember, burning a bit is only but natural in any relationship. It is just a matter of knowing, whether you would rather burn in the company of one particular person or with multiple...or may be alone.

With everything that goes on in our lives, on a daily basis, the pressures of working, commuting, relationships (of all kinds) - we are becoming less patient. Instead of striving for peace of mind & a healthy body - we strive for quick success & gratification. All of this takes away (a lot) from our time & energy spent on maintaining relationships, which in turn puts pressure on survival of the relationship in question.

Much like any building or organization - relationships stand on some pillars. If a couple can identify their own pillars and is willing to work on them - more often than not, there will be no insurmountable difficulties faced. Some common pillars could be: love, expectations, trust, sex, communication, need, security etc. 

In this post, I would like to talk about the communication pillar. I believe this is one of the strongest pillars of a relationship and often the most neglected.

Before I start explaining my views on communication as a pillar - my base assumption here is: people involved in the relationship want the relationship to survive. Otherwise, no pillar would work anyway!

In any situation, if a couple is willing to work together - communication is the only ingredient required. No matter how bad things look (or are) - two people who can sit and talk, can find their solutions. Problems are often due to unsaid expectations, some stupidity, some misunderstandings, some short-comings, some faults, some inconsideration...sometimes genuine and sometimes more felt than actually there. All of these only become bigger and stronger with little to no hope of rescue, without communication!

I have seen many a relationships fade out, phase out, die a natural death - just because the couple refused to share...didn't know how to talk to their significant other. How can, ever, the difficulty to communicate be bigger to overcome than the difficulty of saving a relationship? How can one person simply assume and expect the other to know exactly what is going on inside their head...especially, when it is not a 100% clear in their own mind.

There is no better & sure-shot way to show you are still inclined and interested in this relationship - than to want to work at it. Communication is the key to all these - just sit together and talk...sit together and let the other person know what's troubling you...sit together and let your heart speak...overcome all hurdles together!

I would like to end this post by quoting a great mind of 20th century, Octavio Paz:

" politics, as well as in private life, the surest method of resolving conflicts, however slowly, is dialogue".

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