Tuesday 30 September 2014

Island of Convenience

Having already written about my dislike for society's interference in my life - and my inability to care for social norms (the ones that I don't want to follow) - I am writing this post as part of further realisation on this subject.

Earlier, I have written that I would want to be left alone, also - being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely...all that still holds. The added realisation - is that the 'pseudo rebel' in me is a rebel when people ask me to do something for sake of social acceptance. The simplest fact is - I want to do things, when I want to do them and how I want to do them. This includes some of the very same societal norms that I wouldn't normally care to follow.

The realisation that has dawned on me, with experience, pain and churning of ideas...is that no person is an island and thus, cannot survive on his / her own - completely independent of the society. How-much-so-ever I may want to be that independent, deep down I do need certain people, certain amount of human touch...if nothing else, just someone to talk to!

This entire realisation has led me to develop a concept - Island of Convenience. This in its basic sense means: "I am on an island, away from societal norms & working - for as long as I want to be. I shall come over to the mainland and mingle with other people, as and when I feel like. I will do things, when & how I feel like...".

Island of convenience is nothing more than a make believe safe haven, where I feel in control (even if fictitiously) and has just me and anyone that I want for my company.

In my opinion, every single person has this island of convenience - difference could be the amount of time they actually spend on this island. My guess is: married / live-in couples manage to spend lesser time on this island than those who are single - people staying in joint families manage to spend lesser time on this island than those who are staying alone or in nuclear family set-up...However, there could be similarities among the people in these groups regarding how much time they would ideally want to spend on this island of convenience.

I call this a make believe safe haven because in reality we are still a part of the society at large. It is only in our mind that we are away on our island of convenience. Problem that arises due to this conflict between reality and illusion - is quite obvious.

Our words & our actions definitely differ between the reality (society as we know it) and the make believe (island of convenience). Since the make believe is for us to be in control, we act and react in a manner that pleases us the most...most often without giving a thought to how our actions / reactions would impact people around us (especially the ones who matter).

Ever so often, we end up hurting people, doing things wrong, making a fool of ourselves - because we forget whether we are operating within the make believe or the reality.

With some considerable thought to this, I think the summary to this is: much like everything else in this life, the Island on convenience that we make for ourselves has its own share of good & bad. It works wonders in getting our balance right - between how we, as individuals, manage life in the society and on our own. However, it does come with one potential problem - being on the island on convenience for too long makes an individual incapable of understanding and accepting the good that society has to offer. These individuals get into a mode of denial - to deny their need for other people in their life, to deny their need to feel pain, to deny their need to need anything from anyone...reaching such a level is certainly not healthy. Since I definitely believe, I am one such individual - I think the realisation of downside of being on my island of convenience is quite an eye-opener.

Challenge for people who spend more time on their island of convenience than reality - is to make room for people who genuinely care for them, for ideas that genuinely are for their benefit and for love & happiness that may come from unexpected corners. Such people, such ideas and such unexpected corners have to be allowed in, have to be accepted and this can only happen if we allow ourselves to lose just a little bit of control.

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