Ageing is never easy - there are aspects, beyond just the physical, that make this process a painful one. I had completed two of six items on the list above, before I turned 32. Honestly, I have asked myself if I have hit some form of midlife crisis - more than once!
There have been questions in my mind - who I really am / what am I doing / what have I achieved / who are my friends...I have felt almost incomplete, not knowing convincing answers to these questions. Have I allowed otherwise dormant insecurities to become active, all of a sudden, or if there is actually a deep-rooted issue that I am unable to put my finger on?
There is a growing impatience within me, along with an inexplicably strong urge to do more than just follow home-work-home routine. I am not sure if the impatience and general feeling of incompleteness are a form of midlife crisis or if they are signs of a bigger problem - identity crisis.
Not often I allow myself to get cornered with my own negative thoughts. Unfortunately, the thoughts running through my mind aren't negative really - because almost all are facts. Born in middle-class family, let's say with an above average IQ, but average to no talents, living life without a dream or obsession...worse of all, not sure if the direction I am walking in is the direction I want to head towards!
A friend tells me I am not alone, most would be in similar boat - some may not realise this and others may be worse of for their own reasons and balance-checks. Instead of making me feel any better - this pushes me back right into the crowd and eventually makes me identity-less.
I believe that this blog's revival has happened just at the right time. Even if minutely, it has allowed me to break away from the routine. Writing has given me something else to look forward to - something else to think about - something else to try - something else to identify myself with.
The questions are still there, they are still unanswered, they are still troublesome - but the fact that I can write and share, reduces burden of these questions. Hopefully, I will manage to get some insights into my own self that will help me understand my life and its direction better.
Post a Comment