Should One Get Married?

After ages I was speaking to some of my old colleagues, whom I had worked with in my first job and probably hadn't been in touch for over 4-5 years...most interestingly, we were 4 friends on a con-call. From a marital status perspective, 3 out of 4 were married guys in the group (including yours truly). Then, in the middle of reliving our past when we used to be younger, care-free, thinner...the unmarried guy drops a dead serious question: Should One Get Married???

This one question changed the course of an otherwise normal "hi, how have you been" discussion to nearly a debate. Two of the three married guys came up with a near whole-hearted "yes" to this question, while the third said a firm "NO". I am that third person...

There are almost all reasons under the Sun that would make marriage nothing but a must-do for a couple in love (I am assuming this question is relevant for people who have an option of either being married to someone they love or just be with the person they love). Let's look at a few that would top the list of reasons:

1. Love...I want to be with the person I love for the rest of my life...

2. Security & Stability...I know this person will be there for me through thick & thin - this person would accept me as I am...

3. Companionship...I don't want to be alone and lonely, I want to share my life - my joyous moments and my moments of sadness with someone

4. (At-least in India) Societal permission to have sex...I am married now and can have sex...whoopy!

5. Societal acceptance as being normal...if I am unmarried after a certain age, "what's wrong with me"

6. It's LEGAL...I would have legal rights, my kids would be legitimate

These reasons have been picked from thin air and I do not claim these would definitely be the top most reasons. But, to me most couples (married or those who want to get married) would have at least one of the above in their top-most reasons to marry.

OK - now: if we for a moment keep the society out of the picture and still include other personal reasons to marry...think, what would be the reason that would compel us to marry! Really, what does marriage bring to the table that a couple cannot have outside of marriage.

If I am in love with a girl, want to spend my life with her, share my life with her...make her my life partner and on top of that...also know that she feels the same...then, why would I only manage to have all this by marrying her! Would my not marrying her make me love her less over a period of time, OR would I be ever-concerned that her love might!

Post-marriage, even for people like me - where the courtship period was 9 years, there are some adjustment issues. There are a few more disagreements than during courtship days (and years)...the point is - people say, when you are married, you marry the good and the bad. Are they saying...if I love this girl and am ready to live with her...the only way I will be accepted in totality (and vice-versa), i.e. the good and the bad in me...if I marry her. Hell...love has nothing to do with it. It all boils down to some ceremony, some certificate...anything that can prove we are married!!!

Concept of marriage is much too old (even Wikipedia doesn't have a date of it's origin)...and I do not intend to question it. I am just laying forth a point here...marriage is a societal concept, it satisfies the society, whether in a civic sense (by controlling promiscuity) OR in legal sense (in case of rights of spouse over girl-friends / boy-friends and inheritance for children). It in no sense promises or assures one about the first three reasons as mentioned by me. And, in the same sense, it may not promise or even assure deliverance of few other personal reasons that one may have to want to get married.

I am not anti-marriage...not at all! I have been married for three years now and I think me and my wife are doing good for each other. But - when this question is posed to me...Should One Get Married...my honest response is...you don't need to, if you can live without social acceptance.

R.I.P Asheem...

I got to know of Asheem's demise from the newspaper on 26th Dec morning...being a fan of Indian Ocean for long, but never seen them play live...I now will never be able to see these 4 play together ever!

There is nothing more to say...I hope his soul rests in peace...

Negativity Percolates Faster...Lasts Longer

Hi,

In past 6-8 weeks there have been many thoughts running through my mind, thoughts I didn't know I could harbour, thoughts I didn't know could weigh as much and thoughts that would demand a conscious effort to fight off!

Normally, I am an easy-go-lucky kinda guy; normally, things happening around don't perturb me easily; normally, I feel I am in control of my thoughts; normally, I manage to stay happy from within. Last 6-8 weeks haven't been like that...

I wouldn't dwell on everything that has caused this turmoil in my mind. Just wanted to share that I haven't given in to negativity, but I have realised that once you go weak, negativity percolates faster and lasts longer!

I am not sure how long would I need still to get to my "normal" self, but I know I am better now than I was a couple of weeks ago.

Tatto & Me...Is it Real?

I had been thinking of and wanting it for some time...thankfully my wife agreed to it as well. Finally, we got ourselves a tattoo!

Though this is my first, but I am confident it won't be my last...

The Language Barrier

Hi,

I am back from my recent-most visit to Calcutta (err...sorry it is Kolkata now). To my surprise it was my 5th visit there, 4th in eight years and 2nd in one year. Probably even after marrying a Bengali I hadn't imagined I would visit Cal' as much as this...things we don't think will happen - happen the most to us! But - since my in-laws are now in Cal', both me and my wife try to go and visit them as and when possible.

It isn't a challenge for me to meet my in-laws, having known them for most of my life - first as friends of my parents, then as parents of my friend - to my would-be in-laws and finally as my in-laws! The challenge is my inability to understand and keen disinterest in trying to learn the(e) language. It is as good as going on an overseas trip, where you land yourself on foreign soil and everyone but you understand the language spoken on that land.

I at times find myself in the middle of a conversation where I am the only one who has no clue of what is being talked about - and at times people around me don't bother to explain everything either. There are occasions when all four of us are in the car (me + my wife + MIL + FIL) and there is a conversation that starts, continues for sometime and ends with a laughter - and in all this I understand a few random words here and there. My wife tries to explain / translate such chit-chats most of the times...but I think I have, by now, become used to this and not worry about it.

There is pressure on me to learn the(e) language, not just from family - but from a restaurant that I really like to visit here in Delhi, Oh Calcutta! I love the food there, visit there often, know some faces there and am greeted warmly everytime I go there. On my last visit, I was firmly told by my friendly waiter that next time, if I do not place the order in bengali - he's not accepting my order...well, some incentive to learn and understand.

So far I don't see myself learning the(e) language - as I have this innate ability to not learn languages that I was not made to speak as a child - I think I will just have to learn to live without crossing over the language-barrier...

I turned THIRTY yesterday...

Lyrics of a song by Randy Stonehill

AND LATELY I'VE BEEN TAKING STOCK OF ALL THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH OH TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY FEELS FUNNY BUT IT'S TRUE I'M TURNING THIRTY

NOW I'VE GOT A WIFE WHO REALLY LOVES ME SHE MAKES MY LIFE SO SWEET... ...AND MY WORLD IS VERY DIFFERENT FROM LOST LAZY BACHELOR YEARS BUT IF I HAD THE CHANCE TO GO BACK I'D RATHER STAY RIGHT HERE TURNING THIRTY

WELL, NOW THIRTY AIN'T LIKE FIFTEEN AND IT'S NOT LIKE TWENTY-FIVE MY BACK'S A LITTLE STIFF AND THERE'RE SOME LINES AROUND MY EYES BUT I'VE STILL GOT MY ENERGY AND I'VE GOT MOST OF MY HAIR AND I'M NOT TOO OLD TO ROCK 'N ROLL AND I'M NOT REALLY SCARED OF TURNING THIRTY

OH, THE NINETIES LOOK LIKE TOUGH TIMES THE WORLD IS TURNING SOUR SO I'LL KEEP ON SERVING JESUS AND AWAIT THE FINAL HOUR AND THOUGH I'VE OFTEN FAILED HIM IN THESE THIRTY ROCKY YEARS HIS MERCY BROUGHT ME THIS FAR AND HIS LOVE HAS DRIED MY YEARS I'M TURNING THIRTY I'LL TREASURE THESE YEARS I'M TURNING THIRTY I'LL TREASURE THESE YEARS TURNING THIRTY

It indeed is a big deal...it is indeed a milestone...it is indeed something that is much more fun than turning twenty...looking forward to years ahead!

Mrigya

Hi,

Another Indian group that has really made an impact on me with their music is Mrigya. It was yet again the year 2001, I had the opportunity to see them perform live and could not believe that a group play genres like rock, folk, jazz & sufiana and combine it all so effortlessly.

If you haven't heard their music - please do so here. Believe me this will make you feel enriched in experience.

Indian Ocean - The Band

Hi,

As a child, I grew up on the music that dad had, which basically had the likes of Beatles, Capenters, Trini Lopez, Elvis Presley, Harry Belafonte, Jim Reeves... Other than this there were many Indian classical albums at our place...so, I was at best a non-rock kinda person. I lived with a few misconceptions about music...

Misconception 1: Rock is too heavy on ears...this was broken only in college when I was introduced to some Gods of Rock and it took me a while to stabilise from Rock-mania.

Misconception 2: In India, there were three kinds of musicians - bollywood, Indian classical and singers like Jagjit Singh / Pankaj Udhas. For someone who had recently fallen in love with Rock music...I was actually going back in time to find more and more of singers / albums that I hadn't heard.

In 2001, a friend lost one of my T-shirts and in lieu of that - he gave me an album of Indian Ocean...Kandisa. With reluctance I accepted the cassette and loved it from the first time I played it on my walkman. In all these years, I had the first opportunity to see Rahul and Amit on stage at a Parikrama & Friends concert in 2009. Though they didn't play any of their own compositions that evening, but seeing them in person - made me want even more to see one of their own shows.

This post is to let everyone know that I am big fan of Indian Ocean's music. Guys...listen to their music if you haven't...it is absolutly mind-blowing!

Old is Gold...

Hi,

I am looking forward to turning thirty...I am looking forward to be in a more matured sounding age-group...I am looking forward to (hopefully) becoming matured...but this post is not about me!

I wanted to share my Old is Gold experience...have been driving my Zen Carbon for six years now and using Nokia 6230 for nearly five...both seem to be much better and sturdier than what I can hope to replace them with...so why should I?

Both of them have supported me when I used them in most rugged manner...now that they are getting old, I support them with more care and peaceful use. I am confident that since they belong to a previous generation, they have it in them to last with me for many more years...

Smart Monkey

It is true...indeed...see no evil, hear no evil and say no evil...but no one ever said anything about blog no evil...

Cheers!