Friday, 12 September 2014

Pain is not pointless...is a necessary evil!


Unlike normal opinions towards pain, I tend to think of pain as a necessary evil! Take any sort of pain - body, mind or soul - pain has its own way to give us a message, teach us a lesson and if required, change the course of our lives. If we have the ability to dispassionately look at our lives, we will accept & appreciate all the contribution that pain has had in shaping us into what we are today.

It is simpler for us to accept sayings, such as: "no rider learns to ride a horse without falling" or "no pain, no gain" - but it is not quite that simple to attribute positives to pain.

This association of success & grind is, in simplistic terms, just an association of learning & falling / failing. There is one element of falling / failing that we overlook - pain associated with the fall / failure. Thus the difficulty of looking at pain with even an iota of positive outlook.

Pain could be of all kinds at the same time - body, mind & soul! The body is hurt because of the fall, thus the pain. The mind is embarrassed to have fallen, thus the pain. The soul is hit because the number of attempts it has taken & yet falling, thus the pain!

It is quite important to note that pain of body is the simplest to manage - there are enough medicines available for all physical pain. The pain that can't be treated with medicine is the tricky one - and, by its nature - leaves us with a bigger lesson. Take a broken heart as an example, or a failed attempt at entrepreneurship - these scenarios are big enough to move us to the core, the pain accompanied is almost unbearable at the moment. Once the pain subsides, more often than not, we come out stronger!

Given this understanding - think of this: if we take away element of pain from failure, will we learn as much from that attempt / experience still? If we don't experience pain (of body / mind / soul) - will we care enough to try harder, do better, learn from past attempts / experiences - so that we can do better...or actually succeed?

Agreed, each individual has a different way to feel pain and also to deal with it. It is quite the same with experiencing happiness / joy as well - the difference is, happiness brings a general level of positive reactions from all who experience it. However, pain & sadness could bring a much wider range of reactions, which could be longer lasting as well. This makes it all the more important to give pain its due respect and accept it as more than just a negative that happens to us.

If we could look back on our lives, pick the lowest of lows and allow ourselves to feel similar pain that we felt during those days - we will not take long to realise such lows aren't many to begin with and also, how these days taught us a few lessons. These are the lessons that we haven't forgotten, rather have become pillars of our personality today.

It is time, in my view, to embrace pain - probably, not seek it, but accept it for sure. There is no one who is living, or has ever lived a pain-free life. Pain comes to one & all - it is up to each individual - to take something productive from it, or become a whiner!


Wednesday, 10 September 2014

My Shortcomings



I know I break your heart at times
can be selfish & inconsiderate too

I know I act as an ass at times
can be overbearing & immature too

I know I am unloving at times
Can be detached and unfriendly too

I know I become over-demanding at times
Can be rude & pushy too

Do you know I understand my shortcomings
Can be better, trying to imporve too

Do you know I can get hurt as well
Can I, at times, show my emotions too

Do you know there is just one life
Can we not just hug & settle our differences too



Sunday, 7 September 2014

Relationships are not easy - work on them - Communicate!



It is no suspense that relationships aren't easy! No relationship is perfect, because no individual is perfect. The difficulty is in trying to understand 'why' and 'how to work together in order to improve things / situations'.

Another simple fact is - men & women are different...almost in every bit possible. From the base thought of a relationship to daily life's activities, from dreams & expectations to frustrations & anger, from managing & working towards the common goal to managing the 'walking away'. Some of these differences are the starting point of a relationship and bring spice in life...while some of these become reasons for ending of a relationship, after some amount of hurt & pain.

It is quite understandable - proximity breeds familiarity and familiarity breeds contempt. In the words of Mr. Billy Joel: "the closer you get to the fire, the more you get burned". 

However, one must remember, burning a bit is only but natural in any relationship. It is just a matter of knowing, whether you would rather burn in the company of one particular person or with multiple...or may be alone.

With everything that goes on in our lives, on a daily basis, the pressures of working, commuting, relationships (of all kinds) - we are becoming less patient. Instead of striving for peace of mind & a healthy body - we strive for quick success & gratification. All of this takes away (a lot) from our time & energy spent on maintaining relationships, which in turn puts pressure on survival of the relationship in question.

Much like any building or organization - relationships stand on some pillars. If a couple can identify their own pillars and is willing to work on them - more often than not, there will be no insurmountable difficulties faced. Some common pillars could be: love, expectations, trust, sex, communication, need, security etc. 

In this post, I would like to talk about the communication pillar. I believe this is one of the strongest pillars of a relationship and often the most neglected.

Before I start explaining my views on communication as a pillar - my base assumption here is: people involved in the relationship want the relationship to survive. Otherwise, no pillar would work anyway!

In any situation, if a couple is willing to work together - communication is the only ingredient required. No matter how bad things look (or are) - two people who can sit and talk, can find their solutions. Problems are often due to unsaid expectations, some stupidity, some misunderstandings, some short-comings, some faults, some inconsideration...sometimes genuine and sometimes more felt than actually there. All of these only become bigger and stronger with little to no hope of rescue, without communication!

I have seen many a relationships fade out, phase out, die a natural death - just because the couple refused to share...didn't know how to talk to their significant other. How can, ever, the difficulty to communicate be bigger to overcome than the difficulty of saving a relationship? How can one person simply assume and expect the other to know exactly what is going on inside their head...especially, when it is not a 100% clear in their own mind.

There is no better & sure-shot way to show you are still inclined and interested in this relationship - than to want to work at it. Communication is the key to all these - just sit together and talk...sit together and let the other person know what's troubling you...sit together and let your heart speak...overcome all hurdles together!

I would like to end this post by quoting a great mind of 20th century, Octavio Paz:

"...in politics, as well as in private life, the surest method of resolving conflicts, however slowly, is dialogue".



Friday, 5 September 2014

We are Humans...Not Perfect!



Imagine, a life...where every thing was just 0s & 1s
Imagine, a life...where emotions were decoded
Imagine, a life...where love was just an equation
Imagine, a life...where disappointment was just a system error
Imagine, a life...where there were warranties and guarantees
Imagine, a life...where we all came with a manual
Imagine, a life...that's actually simple!

Now, imagine, a life...where there were no attachments
Now, imagine, a life...where there were no surprises
Now, imagine, a life...where there were no tears of joy
Now, imagine, a life...where there were no happiness
Now, imagine, a life...where there were no smiling faces
Now, imagine, a life...that's not ours to live
Now, imagine, a life...where we are not humans!

Thursday, 4 September 2014

You...Me...Our Truth


This is just for the two of us
This is not an apology
This is not a thank you note
This is the truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is where I tell you, once again
This is where I bare all, only for you
This is all there is - the truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is about how two of us are stronger when together 
This is a testament to 'us'
This is what I know as the truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is written today, but our story was written by the Supreme
This is the story that had to happen
This is not romanticising life - simply the truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is a reminder how we have overcome hurt
This is a reminder how we have shared all joy
This is a reminder - how our togetherness, is the only complete truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is just to let you see what lies beneath
This is just to brush-off dust from the obvious
This is just to put focus back on our truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is to let you know - nothing else matters
This is to let you know - no one else matters
This is to let you know - this is the truth!

This is just for the two of us
This is just to put words to feelings
This is just to try encompassing life long affection
This is all I know, this is all I feel...this is all - the truth!



Sunday, 31 August 2014

If I could...I Would


If I could, I would hold you in my arms
And never let you go

If I could, I would have your dreams come true
And never let you fall

If I could, I would have you see happiness never seen
And never let you cry

If I could, I would have you live like a queen
And never let you experience discomfort

If I could, I would have you have the best of the best
And never let you worry

If I could, I would be there forever
And never let you be alone

If I could...I would!



Sunday, 24 August 2014

Much To Learn About Life


With each passing phase of our life, could be a matter of years or even few days (depending on how quickly we learned & changed) - we begin to see things differently (clearer - I guess), we begin to understand things that we merely knew earlier and we begin to appreciate life more. The point being - at no point in time, do we understand life's why / how / what / when / where... It is one big puzzle and with each passing phase, we merely get to see another puzzle piece - never the whole thing!

Being a big fan of movies based on real life incidents & being a bigger fan of movies based on real life incidents in the field of sports - I recently saw Peaceful Warriors, again, only to understand some of its most important lessons for the first time. I am not going to write about the movie - watch it, if you are keen - it is atypical American true story of a sportsperson's life.

The most important bit of learning for me, from the latest viewing of this movie was to realise how this guys looks at life. He puts it in simple terms:

“Life has three rules: Paradox, Humor, and Change.
- Paradox: Life is a mystery; don't waste your time trying to figure it out.
- Humor: Keep a sense of humor, especially about yourself. It is a strength beyond all measure
- Change: Know that nothing ever stays the same.”

I think I stuck on to this bit, in this viewing because of a phase-change in my life. I have a friend who recently made me realise how most of our 'ideology' from ten years back, seems childish & immature now. Thus - taking life too seriously as it happens, naturally doesn't make sense. I would be laughing off at today's seriousness sometime in near future.

Since we cannot understand life, since things will keep changing - so will we...the only way to carry on and do better is with a light heart, with a bit of humour and a lot of faith.


Friday, 15 August 2014

How do you do it? Why do you do it?



Warm one minute, cold the next
Vulnerable deep down, ruthless in execution
Pretend to be an open book, layered more than an onion
How do you do it? Why do you do it?

Self control has taken something away from you
Life has taught you hard lessons
Being alone is a choice you have made
How do you do it? Why do you do it?

I move, you get claustrophobic
I don't move, you let months pass by
I am, I am not - not sure if it matters
How do you do it? Why do you do it?

Being a friend means I try & understand
If you want, be there for you
If you want, disappear for ever
How do you do it? Why do you do it?

Take a step, believing in someone
Take a plunge, believing in yourself
Life isn't worth living, if not shared
How do you do it? Why do you do it?

I know you only too well, to know this is just a facade
I know you only too well, to know this is just for survival
I know you only too well, to know this is just not the real you
How do you do it? Why do you do it?


Thursday, 14 August 2014

College Reunion


The idea of going for reunions doesn't just bring about one set of emotions, there are host of them - before going, while one is there and after. These emotions run high for particularly those who haven't been in touch with most of their batchmates (reasons irrespective) and may also make it that much tougher for them to attend these reunions.

Before one goes for the reunion - there is excitement to meet people - some of whom we haven't met or stayed in touch with since college and some who are still part of our lives. There is some sense of fear, especially if you weren't the popular one back in the day or were the butt of all jokes, fear of bringing back everything that you think you had managed to put to bed since. There is a sense of getting into something you know very little about, obviously people change - and what you remember of them may / may not hold true at all today. 

But alas, realisation dawns - not everything / everyone changes. This happens simply because meeting people from past brings back our past self to over-power the current self. Good friends then, manage quick connections (even if they never met & spoke after college) - at the same time, there are higher chances for us to not like the people we didn't like then. Our past prejudices, experiences and opinions come flashing back. Tricky part is to come face to face with the person you had a crush on...whew! 

There is no set time to come out of the reunion, but the duration lapsed between your entry and exit definitely suggests how it all went for you. For some it would have gone as smoothly as a breeze, for some it would have been tad difficult - just as college used to be.

I cannot say whether one should definitely, always attend reunions - I am not the kinds to be comfortable in big groups (too much fake smiling required). But I still believe, once in a while, meeting people from our past is important - if for no other reason, then for us to get reminded of what & how we used to be. This is important to run a reality check for today - whether we are a better version of our past self or worse!


The Dreaded 'Thin Line'



There is something dreadful about the 'thin line' - dividing the good from the bad, the acceptable from the unacceptable, from the conventional to the unconventional. Not only is this a thin line, but isn't of a constant size - making it further difficult to understand where the one side ends and the other begins!

To top it up, it is generally difficult to know when the line has been crossed, until the line is actually crossed.

The thin line between being just good friends and being in a relationship (I anyway, don't believe a man & a woman can ever be just good friends), the thin line between being considered a terrorist or a revolutionary (Bhagat Singh), the thin line between healthy flirting and sexual harassment, the thin line between ethical and legal, the thin line between good thing to do and right thing to do, the thin line between genius and insane, the thin line between a joke and harsh sarcasm, the thin line between being pushy and being persevering, the thin line between expectations and demands in relationships, the thin line between... 

Ever so often I happen to cross the dreaded thin line and pay for it dearly. But, as the cartoon below shows - sometimes a boundary has to be crossed to know where it really is.