Magic

 

An inexplicable bond

A deep connection

How I thank my stars

Now I believe in magic

No existing mould fits

No explanation possible

How have we come this far

Now I believe in magic

Without physical contact

Without seeing each other

How voice and words were enough

Now I believe in magic

Distance of seven seas

Difference in time even

How did we survive all this

Now I believe in magic

What does the future hold

What will happen to us

How do we move along

I leave all this on magic

Father's Day 2021

Father's Day 2021

In my life...

You are more than I say

More than I can express

Now I want it to be seen.

In my life...

I may appear content

No matter what the circumstance

Because you are my cheerleader, have always been.

In my life...

It may seem that

I am confident in my skin

Without you, I wouldn't have a reason to preen.

In my life...

Other people may not know you

Or that you are my reservoir of strength

You are happy working behind the scenes.

In my life...

I am growing and climbing higher

Not all to my credit

After all, I come from your pool of genes.

Happy Father's Day, Dad

This is the least I can do

Every word comes from the heart

Each emotion is as it means.

Mother’s Day 2021

You make the difficult simple

Take pressure off my shoulders 

You form bridge across rivers

Shrink all encountered boulders

You brought me up with love 

Even punished me appropriately

You don’t demand any limelight 

Fulfilled, at peace, absolutely 

Your genes formed parts of me

Shared values and strength abundantly 

You have taught me to think & feel

And know the difference clearly

You do, you give, all the time

But never with malice or hate

You are full of love

Selfless and compassionate

You write blank emotional-cheques

Ready to give what you can

You are appreciated by many

But I am your No. 1 fan

Vulnerability

Vulnerability

We are quick to judge others

Pass verdict, good or bad

Hardly ever look within

How we make ourselves sad

"Why so serious?"

Asked the Joker

Are we always sad

Or always playing poker

Behind our emotional wall

We may feel protected and safe

But the harsh reality is

We become our own slave

This wall built around us

Gets bigger with time

We close doors and windows

Become lonely when beyond our prime

It is not enough to smile more

Although that helps, definitely

It is about being vulnerable

Leaning on a friend, occasionally

Being vulnerable is lowering our guard

To let others in

If others only ever stay out

Doesn't matter whether they are foe or kin

We are neither islands

Nor self-sufficient in any way

Life is not black or white

It is only ever a shade of grey

Let's get out of the head

And reach the heart

Face emotions, be vulnerable

Find a friend, be smart

Feeling vulnerable is not enjoyable

We think it is being weak

But there is strength and courage

In the help we seek

The help we get

In turn allows us to help others

Vulnerability is a two-way street

Ensures all of us grow together

A Prayer For The New Year

A Prayer For The New Year

 

May we pray

May we have faith

Instead of feeling hopeless more

 

May we wait

May we hold-on

Instead of pushing others anymore

May we question

May we listen

Instead of believing bull-shit more

 

May we seek

May we find

Instead of being lost anymore

 

May we give

May we share

Instead of only-consuming more

 

May we stand-up

May we stand together

Instead of being divided anymore

May we smile

May we be happy

Instead of shedding tears more

 

May we help

May we hold hands

Instead of being selfish anymore

May we open our eyes

May we see the light

Instead of choosing the dark more

 

May we learn to be human

May we learn from the animals

Instead of being foolish anymore

 

May we fulfil

May we be fulfilled

Instead of living empty more

May we become better

May we be 'more-than'

Instead of being 'less-than' anymore

2020 & Me

 

2020 & Me

Incomprehensible present

Unknown future

Infeasible wants

Unfulfilled dreams

Inevitable reality

Unavoidable challenges

Injudicious actions

Unsatisfactory results

Ineffective efforts

Uncontrollable outcomes

Inexplicable journey

Unfamiliar territory 

Inconsistent days

Unwanted circumstances 

Incorrect assumptions 

Unnecessary rush

Insignificant voice

Unsure thoughts

Insecure heart

Unenthusiastic mind

Inhumane us

Unprepared me

Managing the Unprecedented

This phase is far from normal

And far from being comfortable too

Kept my head down

Kept a safe distance through and through

Still been sniffling and sneezing all day

Hope I have just the common flu

There isn’t simply a way out

No matter how hard we try to 

Be in the ‘here and now’

That’s a strong clue

For managing what seems unmanageable 

And makes everything appear blue

The challenges we face

Are unprecedented and new

I haven’t been fair or even good sometimes

Overlooked and left much overdue 

But I am here, as part of your team

Always in your crew

You are the one for me

This I knew

Now you hold my life together

Like a strong glue

You are all that I need

Well, also a hot brew

Dear 2020

 

Dear 2020,

We, humans, have been mean to you,

but it is not your fault.

What’s happening around is our own doing,

you just opened Pandora’s vault.

For all the troubles we face,

you are neither the reason nor the cause.

You have only put us on the spot,

magnifying, both, our strengths and our flaws.

We may speak ill of you today,

but truly we are in your debt.

Your memory is etched forever,

no one is likely to forget.

Hope the lessons you intend to teach us,

last long enough.

Designed to bring us emotionally closer,

and make us mentally tough.

Things happen when they are supposed to,

you are only playing your part.

This is a rare opportunity you present,

for us to reboot and restart.

Thank you for this challenge,

one I believe we can overcome.

Will get on to 2021,

stronger we would become.

To My Friend

To My Friend 

I have to tell you something

You are important for me

To share the interesting

And the mundane

I have to tell you something

You are that friend

Who gets to see me

When I am mad and when sane

I have to tell you something

You are free to live your life

I will be around if needed

Patiently waiting in my lane

I have to tell you something

You may not always want me around 

And that’s fine too

I lose some and some I gain

I have to tell you something

You make me laugh heartily 

But you can also hurt

Nothing good comes without a li’l pain

I have to tell you something

You are one of a kind

There can be no comparisons 

To me it is that simple and plain

A Prayer

A Prayer

May we learn to love, and live as one

May we include everyone and be together

May all our prayers be beyond "I"

May we never lose our faith

May hope never leave us

May we find peace within to enjoy the open skies

May there be resistance towards what is wrong

May all of us know the eternal truth

May we stop with our own lies

May we learn to feel and think

May this phase of gloom tell us what truly matters

May we see without judgemental fog covering our mental eyes

May our actions speak louder than our words

May we inspire and be source of pride

May we learn to give back before the well dries

May we become accepting, and control desire

May we have given more than taken when our time comes

May we try to give some more, if there is a tie

Mother's Day 2020

Poem For You, Ma

Mom...Mum...Mummy...Ma

I could call you by any name

You are always there for me

You have spoilt me, no doubt

But you have made me, me

How could I be this lucky

Love abundant, a patient ear

With you small talk turns to deep discussions

We just need a cup of tea

There is never a weak moment

You are my pillar of strength

For every lock I present, you present a key

You see good in everyone

You do more than you ask or take

Doing everything selflessly

Happy Mother's Day, Ma

You are the glue that holds us all

You are this family's banyan tree

Mudit's Wager: Remain Positive

How is being positive better than not being positive? 

What benefits does being positive bring when the future remains uncertain and uncontrollable?

With such and similar questions been thrown at me, because I not only remain positive but also profess my faith in positivity, I was unable to find a way to explain the benefits of being positive - other than anything that definitely sounded like a cliché.

When I came across Pascal's Wager (briefly explained at the end of this article), I realised I needed to make something similar of my own, and show it to non-believers of positivity that it pays-off to remain positive.

I present Mudit's wager: Remain Positive. This I represent as:

Our worry is related to future, it is hardly ever about the present and almost never about the past. We fear whether our future will be desirable or not. It is for the future that I ask you to wager for remaining positive. Let's understand this:

Either I will remain positive or I will not. This is plotted on the x-axis (horizontally). Either my future will turn out desirable or it will not. This has been plotted on the y-axis (vertically).

Quadrant D denotes the scenario where I decided that I will not remain positive, and my future will not turn out desirable. I call this "Doom and Gloom".

If we were not positive and the future doesn't turn out desirable, our worst fears have come true. This scenario adds doom to gloom. There is nothing good that could come out of this...we cannot turn around this scenario remaining not-positive. Helplessly, we start buying lottery tickets and hope luck supports us for once at-least!

Quadrant A denotes the scenario where I decided that I will not remain positive, but my future will turn out desirable. I call this "Winning a Lottery".

When we are not positive in our thoughts and actions, yet the future turning out desirable is like winning a lottery. The ticket we had bought in Quadrant D comes handy here. But...not only is this very difficult to repeat by our own efforts, but also the winnings are not sustainable. Thus - if we win this lottery of getting a desirable future while remaining not positive, it is likely that we will neither continue to enjoy desirable future being not positive, nor manage to change our life for the better in the long-term. Just as quickly as this desirable future appears, we will start worrying about the next uncertain future-date / future-year / future-period. Leaving very little for us to enjoy the lottery-winnings.

Quadrant C denotes the scenario where I decided that I will remain positive, but my future will not turn out desirable. I call this "Will Strive Harder".

If despite remaining positive, our future turns out not desirable it is still painful and difficult...no doubt. However, we have our positivity to lean back on to tell ourself that we will strive harder to turn things around. We start looking for previously unexplored or even unorthodox solutions, but we will not give up...we will not submit to the gloom that has temporarily engulfed us.

Quadrant B denotes the scenario where I decided that I will remain positive, and my future turns out desirable. I call this "Win-win, Pay Day".

When we are positive and our future turns out desirable, we find the sweet-spot where we can finally pat ourselves on the back - be proud, be happy and be satisfied. We take a moment for ourselves, enjoy our hard earned pay-day and get back to work for the next uncertain future-date / future-year / future-period.

The discussion is not about how to remain positive, but the benefits of remaining positive. Since future largely continues to be outside our direct control (we can influence the future outcomes, but we definitely don't control them), the only thing we can control is how our outlook and attitude remain: positive or not-positive.

By not remaining positive either we hope to win lottery or worse face doom and gloom. However, by remaining positive we either continue to have the will to strive hard, find our way out of the gloom or we find a win-win situation and enjoy our well earned pay-day. At the very least, we can try to move from Quadrant A to Quadrant B and from Quadrant D to Quadrant C.

I, therefore, urge you to wager for remaining positive in the game of future life!

=============================================================================

Pascal's Wager

Pascal (1623-1662), wore many hats ranging from being a mathematician & physicist to a writer & Catholic theologian. He believed there was no reasonable manner to prove existence of God, but we should still believe in Him.

Broadly, he suggested that if we don't believe in God, but we eventually find out that God exists - we go to Hell (some version of it). If we don't believe in God and it turns out that there is no God, well - no misery befalls us.

On the other hand, if we believe in God and God exists then we go to Heaven (some version of it). If we believe in God and God doesn't exist, once again there is no loss for us.

Essentially, as per Pascal, believing in God could either lead to some version of Heaven or bring no loss. Whereas, not believing in God could either bring no loss or worse, lead to some version of Hell. Basis this, Pascal is said to have suggested it is better to wager for God to exist and to believe in Him. This was his way of saying, better to play it safe than be sorry later.

Happiness Quotient: An Emotional Equation

How do you know you are feeling happiness in any given moment? Do you understand the emotional process that goes on internally, leading to happiness or sadness?

Actually, some would argue that more important question is: do you understand what is happiness?

Walt Disney famously said: “Happiness is a state of mind. It's just according to the way you look at things.” Another definition of happiness, available online says: happiness is the state of being happy.

When I look at these two thoughts together, I realise happiness is a “state”, i.e. it is transient and likely to change due to external pressures exerted on us. Much like liquid is a state for water, which can change from liquid state to solid or gas provided liquid water is subjected to different external pressures.

Following water’s example, using it as a metaphor for our happiness, there is another question that we face: does our happiness totally depend on external sources? Or, is our happiness not under our control at all? It is my attempt to answer some of these questions, basis my own observations and experiences.

It has been my experience that our happiness is not entirely out of our control. We can even measure it, and I call this emotional measure Happiness Quotient (H.Q.). I propose the following emotional equation for H.Q.:

Happiness Quotient* (H.Q.) = What** we have received – what** we expected to receive

*H.Q. is not to be thought of or used as a numerical measure, although it could have numerical components involved. This is purely an emotional measure.

** What or how much.

'What you have received minus what your expectations were', is really the simplest form of understanding how we are feeling in any given situation, whether a moment or a day or our entire lifetime. I am neither referring to finding fulfilment in life (work + home) nor suggesting this is a route for becoming happy. Instead, this is an equation that helps us understand our state of being happy (happiness) in any given moment – whether we are judging something that happened just a moment before, or way back in past … or even if it is on-going.

There are two components that contribute to our happiness: what we have received and what our expectations were to receive.

The former component of the equation: "what we have received", is not in your control...no matter how hard we work, how smart we are, how lucky we were up to that point in time...nothing we can do that can bring this component of the equation entirely under our control. Yes, we can influence by being prepared, by being present, by doing good...but we still cannot control what the outcome would be (i.e. what we receive).

However, the latter component of the equation: "what we expected to receive", is directly under our control. Managing our expectations is definitely that part of the equation of our happiness, which is under our direct control.

To understand this better, let’s look at two different scenarios of the same hypothetical example - taking GMAT:

Scenario 1: You prepare for the test but aren’t able to prepare as well as you would have liked. All your mock test scores have been less than 600. You are not confident going in to take the test, don’t expect to score 600…but, you end up with 650.

Scenario 2: The same GMAT case. This time let’s say you were well prepared and had been scoring upwards of 700 in all mock tests. You go in for the test confident…but, you come back with a 650 score.

In both scenarios – the part of the H.Q. equation, what you have received, is same – GMAT score = 650. However, your happiness levels are likely to vary vastly between the two scenarios. What happens to your H.Q. if the result is that of Scenario 1 – does it not shoot high? You would be super-proud for doing better than expected. But if the result is that of Scenario 2, it would bring you down – you could feel a combination of following emotions sadness, anger, worry, fear and the likes.

Now we see that the real challenge is not managing what we receive (outcome), but really what we expected to receive. The former is not entirely in our control; however, the latter is totally in our control.

The next obvious question is: Does it mean we lower our expectations or, if possible, become expectation-less?

Theoretically, yes, we can live without expecting things from others and from ourselves...which may make our lives simpler (theoretically!). Practically, no! Expecting (and anticipating) the bad has been important for early Human survival, thus today we are wired in a manner to expect (both, good and bad).

In this article, I have attempted to put forth an idea that there are two components that work together towards our happiness - one of these two is not in our control and the other is in our control. By managing our expectations, recalibrating our expectations and learning to deal with our expectations not being met are some steps we can take to maintain a positive H.Q.

Hope, Love and Believe!

Where is this all going

When will our troubles end

Why is it happening to us

Will the sun shine on us again?

How do we fight the unseen

Do we even have a chance

Are we going to fight together

Can we feel each other's pain?

Are we serious about social-distancing

Does this lockdown help at all

Is that light at the end of the tunnel

Or is that a killer-train?

Do we have time to hide and be safe

What if all have been infected already

Are we losing it all

Can we find calm and use our brain?

I can't offer answers, there are none

But there is hope

This is nothing but a test

Something that makes us stronger in long-term.

I offer my love and support

And if you ever need me

I will hold you tightly

When you shiver and squirm.

There is strength in staying apart, yet standing together

There is enough for everyone, don't panic

If we can think beyond ourselves

Selfishness is bigger than this virus, today’s biggest germ.

My friend, we don't need to know the future

Don't need to be able to see in this dark night

We don't even need answers

All that you and I need is to believe, be firm!

🙏🏼 

Now And Forever

Is there more proof that I need

Is there more that I can see

Is there anything clearer

Will it ever going to be

No my love

I know I need you

Now and forever

Can I find someone else

Can I do better

Can you be replaced

Am I such go-getter

No my love

I know I want you

Now and forever

Are we the perfect-couple

Are we doing everything we can

Are we going where we want

Is there nothing more to do & plan

No my love

I know we will keep getting better

Now and forever

Have we reached the summit

Have we completed the course

Have we run out of steam

Is there no other source

No, my love

I know we will be together

Now and forever

You Are My Universe

Even after twenty-two years

It feels just like yesterday

When I proposed to you, you said yes

We celebrated our first Valentine's Day

Over these years, we experienced many ups and downs

Saw many seasons and all kinds of weather

Today, we are many miles apart

But, darling, I promise we will grow old together

I am far from perfect

Yet, you love and accept me

Not the person to go overboard

You are my universe, I say this whole-heartedly

Have known and loved you all my life

And time flies when having fun

Never have I asked for more

You are the one, and the only one

Relativism And Happiness

In human life and in human mind every concept, every emotion, every thought,...actually everything is relative to something else. Well, for meaningful existence of anything we need to understand (or at least know) its context. Nothing is complete and absolute in and of itself. This is what I call as relativism.

It is not often that we let life happen to us, without putting up a question - "why?". The very reason we want to ask the why-question(s): "why is it so...why did you do it...why is it so hot...why me?" shows we need added information to make sense of what we have in that moment.

Through this post I neither intend to explain further about theory of relativism, nor delve into our need for more information, i.e. context, to understand the moment. As I see it, our need for context exists and that's that! However, there is a link between relativism and our happiness, and the intention of this post is to highlight this link.

In my previous post, A Philosophical Question, I had introduced the following equation of happiness quotient (happiness at any given moment):

What I have received - what I expected to receive = Happiness Quotient (H.Q.)

As per this equation, our happiness is dependent on reality (what I have received) and expectations. The bad news is, we can neither be in control of what we receive nor become absolutely expectation-less. The good news is, we can learn to change meaning of reality (by changing its context) and recalibrate our expectations as we live on. The way we can do both (although one at a time) is to learn to better manage our emotional responses to both - the reality we face and the level of unmet expectations. It is here, learning to better manage our emotions that relativism plays a role and that's the link between relativism and happiness.

There is one thing that we know how to do, inherently, is to look for context and reach meaning. 

We love dogs, to the extent to claim that dogs are man's best friend (sorry - human's best friend...hope the feminists would let this be!). Correction, we love pet dogs. If we come across a stray dog, very often the first emotion is not that of love and compassion - it is fear. Pet dogs bring out positive emotions in us and give us higher degree of happiness than stray dogs - where neither the individual dog nor its breed has done anything to us directly (yet!). Context has changed...pet dogs, whether our own or of anybody else's, are more likely to be better trained and healthier (with all required vaccinations given) than the stray dogs.

However, there are some individuals (might not be many) who find it in their heart to love stray dogs just as much (or more) as pet dogs. There difference is that these people manage to change context in their mind, think of dogs as inherently human-friendly and quickly realise that stray dogs' unreliable reactions (such as biting a human) could be stemmed in its own fear of humans or its experience of being ill-treated by humans in past (relativism!). These people choose to believe that stray dogs, too, need love and care. 

Based on their past experiences, these people also recalibrate their expectations from both, the dog (towards them) and from themselves (towards the dog), leading to a happier interaction than one based on fear and ignorance. Not to say that these people have never been bitten by a stray dog, or never been met by less-than-friendly reaction from one. With experience and will, they have learned not to make certain sudden movements that can unsettle the dog, or that just because the dog lunges at them it is not with the intent to hurt them (relativism!). They have learned to manage their emotional-responses over time, which ultimately helps them recalibrate their expectations for future.

As seen in the above example, it is possible to change context of what we have received, recalibrate our expectations and learn to control our emotional-responses. Whether we manage to change all or just one - it is good to know that we do possess some degree of control over happiness all the time, provided we understand relativism. Relativism at the very least provides fluidity to our understanding of life and thus to our experiences - being rigid is not how we can live this life and be happy.

Looking at life through the lens of relativism helps us acknowledge that the reality we face has more than one perspectives (and thus meaning) - one that we are seeing, experiencing, feeling...and that that other person is seeing, experiencing, feeling, before getting carried away by our initial emotional-response to the balance between the reality we face and what we expected it to be.