Friday 18 July 2014

I don't pretend - I don't wear a mask!

This society expects that I smile and live through - learn to take a certain amount of crap on the way and continue to pretend that I enjoyed the experience. This on account of social responsibilities and part of 'being nice'...ha! Really???

One of the first social qualities that I lost was pretence - lost any and all interest in pretending to like people, situations, ideas...anything that I genuinely didn't like! Losing the ability to pretend was linked to my finding meaning within...finding strength to stand alone and most importantly - putting value to my time, mental faculties and emotional resources.

Since I am still a human and still very much part of the society - I understand that I won't get to live like that. There will be people who would need me to act in a certain 'socially acceptable manner' - problem is when people don't understand their limits, continue to demand / seek favours. 

Are healthy two way relationships not possible anymore? Am I too selfish? Am I correct in my approach? - I don't know, I am not sure!

The only thing I am certain about - I can't pretend beyond a point anymore, the threshold of accepting the unacceptable has gone down and in simple terms - I am certain that I am happy this way. In general, I am happy just to be left alone.

The concept of 'leave me alone' is misunderstood. It is not that I want to live for myself over someone else's happiness and life...just that I don't want to do things that bring displeasure to me, for someone else's happiness. I don't intend to become a burden on anyone - emotional or otherwise...can't take anyone else's burden for no reason. Essentially, can't pretend to enjoy anyone else's burden for no reason!

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