No Private Apologies For Public Insults

It was a big occasion meeting. Everyone, officers to managers to executives, from North & East India was attending - our division's new President (& country head) was to address the group and present his thoughts. Let's call him Mr. President.

Expectedly, meeting was long and presentation was boring (Mr. President was new to the division, not to the company - thus, "expectedly"). He couldn't connect with his audience and lack of interactivity made the entire experience further difficult to sit through. Some were yawning in full view, others were trying to hide it. 

Mr. President had to accept and announce - "yes, yawning is contagious! I will wrap up quickly before I too catch the yawn-bug".

What followed was more bizarre than the presentation itself...Mr. President sat himself down and asked the group to give him feedback on his presentation. He also stated that since the same presentation was to be made to South & West teams a week later - it would only benefit him to know how he can improve. Bizarrely, he started asking each individual - "tell me, Mr. No-good, what did you think of my presentation?", starting with the first guy sitting on his left.

On being suddenly asked, Mr. No-good not only had to face 60-70 pair of eyes, but also think on his feet to say something (anything) meaningful to Mr. President - to not come across as his name suggested. His best thoughts about the presentation were simple three words, "it was nice"...having said all that he could, Mr. No-good sat down and took a deep breath (of relief) as Mr. President moved on to the next person.

I was seated sixteenth, not by any design - just. Apart from two / three critiques on the content, all of the fifteen before me went ahead and told Mr. President how good the presentation was (or just what they thought Mr. President wanted to hear). 

As my turn was approaching, my mind was racing and debating whether I should be honest or maintain the tone of feedback being given. My turn came and I couldn't keep it under wraps - apparently I was fuming more at a**-lickers than the sub-standard presentation from Mr. President. This 'fuming' got misdirected at Mr. President's presentation and an honest opinion of the presentation came out.

It was an out-of-body experience, I could see myself - taking apart Mr. President's best effort and I could see the shock & disbelief in everyone else's eyes. I wrapped up my comments stating that my views were purely to help Mr. President present better in his down-South visit, following week.

Mr. President heard me out, as did everyone present in that room that evening, and moved to Ms. Seventeenth. From here on, asking for feedback was a mere formality and not a single critical point came. We all were thanked for our valuable time and feedback - the meeting was adjourned...and I knew, I had dug a BIG hole for me to be buried in. Question on my mind was - will it be an execution?

As people started walking back - there was just one topic being discussed...what possessed Mr. What-does-he-think-of-himself (i.e. me), to say what he said. I was almost sure there will be a wager out sooner-than-later, regarding my future with the company. My heart was sinking by now...I could have put some of my own money on an 'early departure'.

As I reached my work station, before I could sit - I was called in by Mr. President's 2-i-c. My heart sank further and I felt 'early departure' should be changed to 'immediate departure'.

I sat down in Mr. 2-i-c's office, his unblinking and stern eyes were looking straight into mine. I realised that I had nothing more to say (had said enough 30 minutes ago) - thus it was better to let Mr. 2-i-c start the verbal proceedings of this meeting. After what seemed like a few minutes Mr. 2-i-c spoke and gave me a pearl of wisdom...and that was that! 

Soon after, I was back at my work station...left pondering over my decision to provide honest feedback and in the manner in which it was given. The pearl of wisdom shared was profoundly apt for my action, taught me a lesson without punishment and has since become part of my system:

"There are no private apologies for public insults"

Why can't we be ourselves?

Why is it difficult to accept what is different...

Is something wrong with 'different' or actually with us?

Why is it important to follow the norms...

Is making our own path really that big a task?

Why being part of a group gives a feeling of security...

Is walking alone, on my own, really scary & rough?

Why do we find comfort in the known...

Is comfort that we are seeking, or simply acceptance from others?

Why do we make associations based on faked-similarities...

Is it that we are not comfortable in our own skin?

Why is it easier to ostracize than to embrace...

Is it human nature or some archaic societal practice?

Why is it a tussle between me and 'them'...

Is 'their' way the only path to walk?

Why coexistance is such a challenge...

Is it that, deep-down, we all want to divide & rule?

Why does the fear of killing one another not set in...

Is this not over-confidence, which will bring us down?

Why can we not live happily ever after...

Is it time we accepted man is man's worst enemy?

Why can we not just snap out of hypnotic control on our mind...

Is it because we are more afraid of reality than the make-believe?

Why?

Dim Future for Hindi Language?

Speaking 'good' English has been a sign of a smart & educated individual - someone who is well read as well. In recent past, the pressure has shifted from young adults on to the really young ones - to not only know their mother tongue, but also be able to converse in English. For parents it has become a matter of pride, ego and social superiority - "how well does your few-years-old-kid converse in English?".

I think kids are capable of picking up multiple languages - thus I am not writing about their pressures. I think there is a different scenario arising because of this social change. With English language incorrectly becoming synonymous with being a literate - with professional confidence and success being linked to understanding and command on English (specifically in India) - it is not a surprise that parents started emphasising on their kids, the need to improve English speaking. 

In my view, preference given to English in almost all spheres of life in India definitely sets back other Indian languages. However, there is a greater threat to Hindi in particular. I have observed that parents from non-Hindi speaking part of India, still want their kids to know their mother tongue. Also, I have observed there is a greater bonding felt by non-Hindi speaking people in conversing in their mother-tongue, when they meet anyone who can converse in 'their' language. Sadly, this isn't the case with Hindi - almost as if Hindi speaking is lowering class of the speaker.

I will be honest, I am not comfortable reading Hindi, writing will be a bigger challenge and I am certain that I am not unique or part of a minority. While I can converse in Hindi, I am definitely still better-off using English as I can hardly talk for 5 minutes without going back to using a word or more of English. This shall only become worse with kids who are still learning what they are taught. Who / what will teach them Hindi...what kind of Hindi will they pick up...will it become a language that they would know - just to speak with house maid or will it be a language looked up on with respect?

When in 1988, Tezaab came out - the famous Madhuri Dixit song taught a bit of numbers in Hindi (ek, do, teen...) - but now there isn't much to look forward to from Bollywood / TV for children to learn a language. As it is - Bollywood rarely focuses on pure Hindi...it is a combination of Hindi / Urdu / Punjabi (now)... Having said that - I believe, until such time that Bollywood continues to make Hindi movies, there will be people who will understand the language. 

This brings me to the core issue - language's survival is linked to its development and growth, which will not happen if it loses favour of masses. If Hindi has to remain the language of choice for a few and a language of entertainment for masses - I am certain its future is dim!

Propaganda

During my recent holiday in Egypt, a couple of things happened that sparked the base thought for this post. The Egyptologist (a senior / more educated version of guide) who was taking us through Cairo used this term, which I will explain subsequently and second, I read 'The Way Of The Knife' - a book with catch phrase "the untold story of USA's secret war".

Let me start with the book: I picked it up because everything about the book made it seem to be an exciting read. I have seen many movies based on the (in)famous C.I.A and about the almost unending, American war on terror - but this was the first book that promised a true-behind-the-scene-account of all that Hollywood so richly glorifies.

The book delivered on one thing definitely, it was a pacy & at times even exciting read. Every bit of it was possibly just as good as a spy thriller should be - rather, it was better because it was talking of real people, real scenarios and real outcomes. Author did try to unmask the American hypocrisy of increasing violence in order to ensure world peace. But as I read through, even though I was enjoying reading it, I couldn't help feeling an empty-ness in author's efforts to show the American administration as a villain.

Throughout the book, there are anecdotes of how the C.I.A, the C.T.C, the J.S.O.C and many similar agencies worked, mostly independently, to kill US of A's enemies...at times, even at the cost of a 'few' civilian lives. These 'few' innocent lives lost in the war on terror have been mentioned, but not deeply enough for the reader to feel any pain.

Message that got across was simple: you fuck with the US of A; US of A will fuck you, your family & friends, your country...even your religion!

Thus - much like Hollywood movies, where US of A is a super power and the only country worthy of saving planet earth - whether it is humans attacking it or mighty aliens...The Way Of The Knife also leaves its readers feeling that US of A is a country not to be messed with...it is definitely a country with means and the will to go to any extent to get what it wants. Well, to be fair to the author - Americans did get into Pakistan and kill OBL - didn't they?

Allow me to connect this with the Egyptologist that I mentioned at start of this post. As one can imagine, a typical guide would tell stories - embellishing them to make them sound larger than life. That is not much of a problem for any guide in Egypt - because the monuments' age, size and preservation - all are larger than life. But the Egyptologist in Cairo was different. In his view - a lot of ancient Egypt's life is still undiscovered and thus not understood. Not only that, he had a rather different take on why ancient Egyptian kings built big and many structures - "propaganda".

Admittedly, this came as a surprise - but the Egyptologist expanded his opinion (which he said would be agreed by less than 1 in 10 Egyptologists) - he explained all temples / tombs that we see today, were supposed to be a post-death gift that the kings / queens gave to themselves. But, in his opinion, since these structures were built while the king / queen was still alive - these buildings served the purpose of one-up-man-ship over previous kings / queens. The tall and plenty self statues were designed for future generations to remember the kings / queens of past as strong and beautiful (even if the king wasn't as strong or the queen as beautiful). Thus - in his opinion, until more is discovered and understood about that era, he saw it as simple propaganda.

Before reaching Cairo, I had already finished reading the book. There were mixed feelings about the book - whether the author delivered a blow on the US of A by exposing their hypocrisy or announced to the world that US of A is not to be messed with...it was only after the Egyptologist's use and explanation of this word - propaganda, that I could form a firm opinion about the book.

'The Way Of The Knife' - is every bit of American propaganda of modern times, to win one-up-man-ship against other super powers and their secret services...to introduce rest of the world with the American prowess and in the end - to actually make non-American readers question: does anyone in my country have balls? 

Build Pyramids that last 5000 years or kill your enemy, be inhuman and mask it as 'for world peace' - two of the best forms of propaganda I say!

Egypt: A Land of History & Wonder

After nearly three years of wanting, planning, almost booking twice before - Tina and I finally visited Egypt (in March '14). The build-up of expectations from 'holiday-in-Egypt', over all this time, was weighing upon us when we finally started from home. We didn't know how will it all unfold, we were skeptical - especially given the continued reports of political unrest and violence there. Now that we are back - we know tourism has quite unnecessarily and most unfortunately suffered due to all the negative media coverage Egypt has received in last 12-15 months.

Egypt is a complete holiday destination, something that rather came as a surprise to me. For me, the excitement of seeing the pyramids and ticking off another 'Wonder of the World' was big enough & almost the only attraction in this country. I couldn't have been more inaccurate in judging reasons to visit Egypt.

Every travel agent that we spoke with offered us a 7 day package, offered same things - with the only difference being in hotels offered. We went ahead, planned and booked this holiday on our own...spent 10 days instead - but we still couldn't do everything and see everything that must be done & seen. I think one needs 3 weeks to do justice and experience everything offered in Egypt.

From its chaotic cities to the tranquil Nile, from relaxed beaches to the adventurous deep sea diving in Red Sea...from structures dating back to 4000+ years, to the 20th century technology that helped preserve temples of Abu Simbel (read about it here)...from man made marvels to breath-taking natural corals...Egypt is truly a land of history & wonder.

PS: For select few pictures, from the hundreds that we took - please click here.

Change & Emotional Detachment: First lessons of my professional life

Sitting across the room was an unassuming kind of grey-haired man, in simple shirt & trouser. I hardly noticed him when I entered the room as I was focused on task ahead - to participate in a group discussion, which would further my chances of getting my first job. There were 7-8 participants, 3-4 coordinators and the grey-haired man - all were introduced, except for this grey-haired man!

GD went okay, I was offered a job (after a few rounds of interviews) and only then I came to know that the grey-haired man was not a simple observer of GD rounds - he was the VC of the company I was joining. My surprise just didn't end there - I was hired (along with 4 others from my class), to work in his team. 

I didn't know how or what got me that job - I didn't know what would be the job profile either. 5 of us, who were chosen to work in VC's team, were just told we were to work in his team - period! Following seven weeks were some of the most interesting times I have seen.

There was a thought, a deep rooted thought, behind the 5 of us being in VC's team. It was simple yet powerful. We were told how our team was looked as agents of change - the role being, understanding VC and his thoughts, taking them to various departments and teams - to help percolate what the top thinks to the rest.

First few days weren't about doing anything specific, or being in any operational role. These days were about getting to know the company and more importantly - its VC. We would meet up at VC's office or at times, at his residence - where ever he was and wanted to meet. The general objective of such meetings was simple - pay attention to every word being spoken, take time to absorb and spend a great deal in internalising it.

In one of our meetings, we were introduced to an ideology: emotional detachment.

It wasn't an easy ideology to comprehend, not for early-twenty somethings, in first few weeks of working life - trying to understand why was a concept like this being discussed...instead of doing some work!

As I took time with the concept, I began to see its depth and strength - both, at the personal and professional level. By this time, I had already realised that the role I was hired for wasn't what I will continue to do for long...I will be moved sooner (than later) from current position to some other - after all change was the mantra. It was suddenly easy to see how being emotionally detached, one could change without being bothered and adjust in new surroundings, successfully!

True to the promise of change, the 5 of us were transferred. This transfer came much sooner than we had anticipated and to a department we wouldn't have preferred to go to. But that is what the previous few weeks' training was all about. To be open to accepting change - to be open to work anywhere the company needed and do what was required. 

It wouldn't be honest of me to say this change was easy to accept...actually it was quite a bitter pill to swallow at the time. On being thrown into a role I didn't like, didn't want...the next few days were miserable for me. However, I started to adjust and get on with life...something inside of me had probably started accepting the concepts of change and emotional detachment.

Over 11 years of work life now, with experience, I have learnt a lot and over time I have developed my own style, my own theories...but I have realised not much trumps the first lessons of my professional life. Today, as part of an entrepreneurial venture - I need to be adept with change and cannot hold anything so dear to me that I can't part with.

I am not sure how my life would have been had I taken a different job or offered a different role 11 years back - but I am sure these lessons would have come to me later in life and most certainly at a higher price. There is no doubt in my mind that without the ability to change and to-let-go, growing as a professional (and a person) isn't possible.

The Eternal Question

Purpose of life...reason to live

Everyone searching, everyone worried

Everyone needs an answer - is there one?

Think life is too short

This life is complicated as well

Pressure on shoulders weighs a ton

Been advised to chill...

Been advised to relax...take one day at a time

Not worrying is half the battle won

Been advised, live for today

Been advised, tomorrow never comes

Long term thought skipped for short term fun!

Is it the correct decision

Has it been thought out?

Will it be a dud...or a home-run?

Where will it lead?

Where will it all stop?

Will I be remembered as someone or end as no-one?

Purpose of life...reason to live

Everyone searching, everyone worried

Everyone needs an answer - is there one?

Feminism Reduced Chivalry...Not Chauvinism!

Even as a child, looking at my father, I knew women were special - to be given special treatment and special attention. He taught me small things, by example, to open doors, to be towards traffic when walking together, to pay for meals...and more such similar acts. At that time, I didn't understand chivalry - but understood that women were somehow special. I worked hard at practicing what I was learning, developed these actions and made them part of me much before I even came across the word 'chivalrous'. Soon after being introduced to chivalry, I learnt two more terms - chauvinism and feminism...

There is some common ground between chivalry and chauvinism - men and women are not the same, thus not equal. The actions depicting either chivalry or chauvinism - both support this...one tends to put more respect for women and the other does this a lot less. But when we try and see through smoke screens (created by positives of chivalry and negatives of chauvinism) - we can't deny, both these suggest one thing and one thing only: men and women are not equal! I now further believe that all chivalrous men are chauvinists as well. I don't think these two are mutually exclusive - just that each individual man has different degree of chivalry and chauvinism...which ever quality is over-powering the other, shows more often.

The wave of feminism started decades ago...it talked of liberating women from oppression and showed them the path of self-actualisation. By definition - feminism demanded equality of sexes...that men and women be treated equally - at the same level in every sense. Women in their zeal to become 'equal' to men have definitely ensured that they are more prominent now, given 'equal' responsibilities & opportunities and probably got an 'equal' status in society as well.

My problem with this is - I have always thought of women as special, thus better than men...why would they want to become my equal?  

In my view - here lies the bigger problem. Chivalrous men were first to be converted by concept of feminism.  Women were becoming 'equal' to men - they didn't want any special treatment. Women started fighting off all and any treatment that said "you are different". Simple acts of chivalry were looked with a skeptical eye and often rejected. Soon afterwards started doubting chivalrous acts as those with an ulterior motive. 

There was such an overload of 'equality for women' that the men who thought of women as special, started to question - "what is so special about women?". In due course - chivalrous men took a back seat...told themselves that women are equal indeed and thus, special treatment is unfair.

On the other hand - the chauvinists were being challenged as well. They didn't like to be pushed to treat women as their 'equal'. These men had to change - since legally and morally society was changing. Women were taking on more than they ever had...doing a better job of it as well. This resulted in resentment in chauvinists' mind, widening the feeling of inequality that existed earlier.

Are women better off today? I definitely believe so. Feminism did deliver on its basic promises - provided equality - a platform for women equally shared with men. But if I am asked - were the feminists targeting reducing chivalry or chauvinism and if that has been achieved...on that account, I sadly believe feminism hasn't had a favourable outcome. Reduction in chivalrous men and rise in chauvinistic men - how can this scenario be good in future? Time will tell...probably via another movement - oneism!

One Track Mind

It is always in my thoughts

Whether the front or behind

Everything and anything can be linked to it

I have a one-track-mind

I believe it is the only universal topic

Jokingly or seriously - I can bring around all discussions to it

Many call me crazy, I call them myopic

Yes...I have a one-track-mind

With men as companions, it can get crass-funny

With women as companions, it can get flirtatious

Be smart, be respectful...but I use it every where

Glad I have a one-track-mind

Everyone thinks and does it - but say, dare not...how shallow!

It is the only constant...across entire width and length

Only the liberated ones can pull it off...Trapped minds can't swallow

Proud I have a one-track-mind

It relaxes, it pleases...It is honest, it is pure

Why is it then a taboo?

Well...don't know, don't care...their problem

I have a one-track-mind

Who is honest today?

It isn't easy to recall when was the last time I was totally honest - this is when I spend a few minutes in front of the mirror every day. Just as affection, loyalty and other traits of being human - honesty too is layered. There are different degrees of honesty - depending on situations, people involved and things at stake. With experience of equations at work, being dishonest almost becomes our genuine reaction - whether we intended to or not.

Fact remains - most of us want to be honest most of the times. Also, it is an undisputed fact that concept of 100% honesty is more utopian than realistic. What does one do?

For the more evolved beings - diplomacy is the key and offers the perfect grey area to play in - it allows to veil dishonest opinions & words. Diplomacy necessarily doesn't hurt and definitely doesn't make its user a liar. 

Remember: grey-area and veil - that's diplomacy's strength. It allows us to smartly get around, avoid stepping on as many toes while doing so and most importantly, still call ourselves 'not-dishonest'.

It is easier said than done - diplomacy is an art and isn't easily mastered by most. It is this 'most' that is left to grapple with issues of honesty / dishonesty. The bard so aptly said: "to be...or not to be"!

I have been churning this for sometime - honesty may indeed be the best policy, but is it the best practice in today's world. Can the world accept honesty? Can I accept a 100% true and honest comment...even from people, who I know love me the most? Can I be honest to myself...all the time?

I genuinely doubt if answer to above questions is YES! For anyone...

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I stand corrected!